Lamentations of the Damned: Playing Far Horizons for the very first time

[GrimFinger]

Entry Six

Well, along comes game moderator Casey to the rescue, once again - late as usual. He was probably wolfing down a banana cream pie, or slurping a margarita with a pink umbrella in it, while my empire's efforts to burst free from its galactic shrink wrap ground to a halt.

No colonist units were built (Exactly how does one "build" a colonist, anyway? Are we all robots, or something?). Even worse, no planetary defenses were erected. Fool!! Does he not comprehend the magnitude of the threats posed to my empire's homeworld by space aliens? Has he never watched any of those alien invasion movies of cinematic fame? Damn his game moderating hide!

OK, OK, so the game only looks at the first START PRODUCTION section, and it ignores any additional ones that the player tries to tack on. God forbid that anyone put that in the game manual, apparently. Or was it there, all long, and I merely overlooked it. How do we know for sure that this is the game manual that Rick Morneau actually wrote? Could it be that Casey, our illustrious game moderator, has grafted some type of alien technology runes over top of Rick Morneau's typewriter efforts? I'll be keeping an eye on this Casey fellow.

So, now we all head into the next turn, with one poor fellow's homeworld utterly bereft of planetary defenses - namely, my own. Never mind the vulnerability of being in such a conspicuous situation. I am in a galaxy teeming full of alien races Hell bent on my empire's utter destruction and my people's absolute annihilation, and here I continue to sit with a grand defense of zero. I would rather dine on Brylcreem.

While I await the invasion forces of my as-yet-unseen alien enemies, it's back to the drawing board for me.

[Ramblurr]

In light this misfortune I've updated the orders verifier to detect duplicate sections and spit out an error message.

[GrimFinger]

ENTRY SEVEN

Here I am, well ahead of schedule, and I have launched my turn orders for the next turn of Far Horizons: The Awakening towards the game moderator. Heathen dogs of the galaxy, know that my power is great! Perhaps I am progress well, after all.

I have discovered that the game manual did state the following: "Each section of the orders begins with a START command and ends with an END command. Each section should only appear ONCE." OK, OK, so it was in the game manual. I found it at the bottom of page # 6 of the game manual. Galactic domination cannot be impeded. We proceed forward, faster than the speed of light.

Now, watch old Casey tell me that I did something else wrong, this turn. Hey, just be glad that I am getting my turn orders in on time.

Sleep beckons me.

[GrimFinger]

ENTRY EIGHT

Orders parsed successfully - No errors found. That was the auto-message that I received, yesterday, after sending my most recent set of turn orders off to the game moderator of Far Horizons: The Awakening. Now, here it is, Sunday morning, and where are the results of those very same orders? Nowhere to be found, of course. I make a mental note to myself to cane the game moderator severely, for this episode.

In related unrelated news, I see that Ixnay has revealed himself to be in this game with me. Unworthy of ruling an empire from scratch, Ixnay suffered the indignity of having a drop-out position pawned off on him. Hah! Fool and miscreant! His species name is the Consortium, and his empire's government type is Hierarchal Xenocracy. Exactly what the Hell is that, anyway? Is he some kind of zenomorph? Is that one of those things in the Aliens movie series? Or is that like some kind of smurf on alien crack?

Regardless, he's already bragging about moving forward with colonizing another planet. The greedy bastard!! I always figured him for the scheming type, anyway. I'll be keeping an eye out for any spaceships piloted by whacked out smurfs.

Now...where's my turn results?

[JonO]

Note, the rules haven't change

Where's the fun in that? The players' questions never change, so it's up to you to change the answers.

[GrimFinger]

ENTRY NINE

Mere minutes before the perceived deadline, I hastily cobble together a bare bones set of turn orders, and launch them into oblivion towards the game moderator.

Beset by confusion, I rebel against calculated attempts by other players to confuse me, and fore go consideration of most options in the game. Does this type of approach jeopardize my empire? Most certainly. However, at least momentarily it sates the beast inside of me which begins to grumble, and which seeks to influence me to drop out of the game.

For the time being, interplanetary flight and colonization are out of the question. I'm lost - lost in space, and find myself cursing Jon Ogden for not progressing faster with Rimworlds. Fully comprehending the current game that I am in appears to be an event that lies somewhere over the far horizons of the future. I begin to wonder if Far Horizons' creator, Rick Morneau, was sinister enough to intentionally craft such confusion into the rules of his game. Surely, his legacy shall endure forever!

The only excitement in my turn, this time around, came in the form of the game moderator, Casey (apparently the very same one who wrecked the train in the ditch), became so flabbergasted, himself, that he botched things on his end, deleting turn orders already sent, and as if that wasn't bad enough, he also sent an announcement out via e-mail, but inadvertently ended up revealing who all of the players in the game are.

Oh, my God!! How funny was that?! I tried to tell him that this game was confusing, but did he listen? Oh, Hell no! Now, he knows, though. Now, the beast has bitten him squarely on the ass.

Oh, and did I mention that my turn orders for the last turn, the ones that yielded the auto-messages sent back to me via e-mail of, Orders parsed successfully - No errors found, ended up having errors in them, after all? I just can't win, it seems.

On a positive note, the game moderator was kind enough to send me back an edited version of the last turn' orders that I sent him, so that I could compare what I had tried to do with what I had intended to do. That was helpful. It doesn't pull back the massive cloud of confusion that has set in, but it was helpful, just the same.

Oh, oh, oh....What's this? While I am in the middle of writing this entry log, I check my e-mail, and it appears that I have managed to bungle my turn orders that I sent in only this morning, also. Oh, dammit it all to Hell!!

Screw it! I'll take a maintenance turn with nothing accomplished, this last turn.

And just when I thought that the cloud of confusion was beginning to recede. BAM!! Mega-cloud expands in size a zillion fold.

Doomed! We are all doomed, I tell ya.

Screw it! I'm going to go and find something to eat.

[JonO]

Entry Four

I have no idea if I should try to colonize other planets in my home solar system, or if I should launch a rocket ship to another star's solar system, and then try to colonize there. Which is better? I have no clue. I don't know what I'm doing, and I find no shame in admitting such.

FWIW, as a designer, I might allow a second planet in a system to produce something that is really useful, but the possibility that a second really good colony planet would appear in the home system would be programmed out of existence. It would give that player too big an advantage.

[Ramblurr]

FWIW, as a designer, I might allow a second planet in a system to produce something that is really useful, but the possibility that a second really good colony planet would appear in the home system would be programmed out of existence. It would give that player too big an advantage.

Yup, that's how it works in FH too. Home systems are a special case, generated after the rest of the galaxy, and have restrictions to prevent great potential colony planets from appearing in a home system. Though, they can become more useful at higher tech levels.

[GrimFinger]

ENTRY TEN

Revenge is mine, damn you!! Galactic heathen, take note, for a small glimmer of hope finally shatters the fog of confusion - even if it proves to only be a temporary reprieve.

A multi-point jump this turn in one area researched signals success. Clearly, my empire is on the straight and narrow, once more, for we have finally managed to achieve something that rings loudly within us as progress. This is one techno-rune that we have solved, and power floods through to our souls. We are lifted by the iron fist of destiny. We bask in the glory and triumph of the moment.

Power is ours!

Power.....is.....MINE!!!

[JonO]

ROFL